Beware of the Mommy blogs
**I forgot to post this several months ago. So here it is.
When I found out I was pregnant, I took to the internet to learn all I could about motherhood. I was so excited to read all about the time-honored traditions as well as the latest trends in parenting. What I assumed I would find were moms out in cyber space journaling about the joys of parenthood with the occasional hardship. What I found instead were bitter diatribes about the lack of sleep, being covered in poop and spit up, living in sweatpants and greasy unwashed hair and a general, overall unhappiness about the first several months of their child's life. My take away from my parental research was, "It's hard." "It's not any fun." "You will simply survive the most challenging time of your life instead of enjoy what should be the best time of your life."
And so I began to worry. Worry about being a good mom. Worry about never sleeping again. Worry about whether or not I would even like my own kids. Worry about how I would be perceived, a washed up overrun hag instead of a blessed mother. After months of ingesting the negativity, I was on a road trip with my own mother -- a former SAHM of two. I told her what I had been reading and how I was feeling. She was appalled. She told me that those first few months of mine and my brother's lives were some of the best, most rewarding and simply most magical months of her own life. She told me how it felt to be the sole provider of our tiny existence. Because of her, we were alive. She loved the early morning smiles and snuggles. While she didn't sugar coat the truth -- she admitted she had her moments -- she told me it wasn't all doom and gloom like the blogs proclaimed it was.
Relief.
So it's not all bad, I thought.
Thank goodness.
"All I remember is the good stuff," she said. "And maybe that is the beauty of raising my babies in a world without the internet. Without the need to write about and share with the world every minute detail of every experience, good and bad. Maybe if I had written it all down, I would have remembered more of the tough times. But I'm glad I don't. That's too big of a burden to bear."
For those without kids, but considering a new family, pregnant mommas-to-be and new moms learning this whole new world, there are too many people out there gunning to spread the negativity.
A friend of mine (who is purposefully waiting to grow her family) told me about a mutual friend of ours who adopted a precious newborn girl. My friend had this to say, "When Rachel got Wendy I never heard anything negative from her about the experience. Oh sure, sometimes she'd say facts like, "I didn't get much sleep because Wendy was sick," or "We took three baths this morning because she pooped in one of them," but never something negative about the experience itself. I say that because it's something I actually took notice of. It was something noteworthy because it's the exception not to complain about being a new mom, not the rule."
Why so much negativity?
Being a mom is one of the oldest professions in this world. It's been done by billions of women for thousands of years.
And yet our generation thinks they are the first to navigate motherhood. And that it's harder now than it ever has been.
Maybe there is some truth to that. Our mothers and grandmothers saw parenting as a cooperative role. Women were surrounded by family, all working together to raise the children. The whole, "It takes a village" really meant something back then. Women helped each other out instead of putting each other down over things like babywearing, formula or breast milk, and co-sleeping.
But maybe the internet has a little something to do with the Mommy Wars, as well.
Now that my twins are three months old, I've had time to acclimate to my new life as a mom. I realize my situation is very different than most, but looking back over the past few months, I've caught myself asking, "What was all the negativity about?"
Sure, parenting is hard. But it's not torture.
It's actually pretty enjoyable.
So my advice to soon-to-be-moms is don't worry. And get off the mommy blogs. They will only bring you down. Your situation will be different than you sister's, your neighbor's, your mother's, your mother-in-law's, your co-worker's and that friend of a friend who had this terrible baby who cried 23 hours a day for 6 months.
Just enjoy those first few months as much as possible. It will only come around once.
When I found out I was pregnant, I took to the internet to learn all I could about motherhood. I was so excited to read all about the time-honored traditions as well as the latest trends in parenting. What I assumed I would find were moms out in cyber space journaling about the joys of parenthood with the occasional hardship. What I found instead were bitter diatribes about the lack of sleep, being covered in poop and spit up, living in sweatpants and greasy unwashed hair and a general, overall unhappiness about the first several months of their child's life. My take away from my parental research was, "It's hard." "It's not any fun." "You will simply survive the most challenging time of your life instead of enjoy what should be the best time of your life."
And so I began to worry. Worry about being a good mom. Worry about never sleeping again. Worry about whether or not I would even like my own kids. Worry about how I would be perceived, a washed up overrun hag instead of a blessed mother. After months of ingesting the negativity, I was on a road trip with my own mother -- a former SAHM of two. I told her what I had been reading and how I was feeling. She was appalled. She told me that those first few months of mine and my brother's lives were some of the best, most rewarding and simply most magical months of her own life. She told me how it felt to be the sole provider of our tiny existence. Because of her, we were alive. She loved the early morning smiles and snuggles. While she didn't sugar coat the truth -- she admitted she had her moments -- she told me it wasn't all doom and gloom like the blogs proclaimed it was.
Relief.
So it's not all bad, I thought.
Thank goodness.
"All I remember is the good stuff," she said. "And maybe that is the beauty of raising my babies in a world without the internet. Without the need to write about and share with the world every minute detail of every experience, good and bad. Maybe if I had written it all down, I would have remembered more of the tough times. But I'm glad I don't. That's too big of a burden to bear."
For those without kids, but considering a new family, pregnant mommas-to-be and new moms learning this whole new world, there are too many people out there gunning to spread the negativity.
A friend of mine (who is purposefully waiting to grow her family) told me about a mutual friend of ours who adopted a precious newborn girl. My friend had this to say, "When Rachel got Wendy I never heard anything negative from her about the experience. Oh sure, sometimes she'd say facts like, "I didn't get much sleep because Wendy was sick," or "We took three baths this morning because she pooped in one of them," but never something negative about the experience itself. I say that because it's something I actually took notice of. It was something noteworthy because it's the exception not to complain about being a new mom, not the rule."
Why so much negativity?
Being a mom is one of the oldest professions in this world. It's been done by billions of women for thousands of years.
And yet our generation thinks they are the first to navigate motherhood. And that it's harder now than it ever has been.
Maybe there is some truth to that. Our mothers and grandmothers saw parenting as a cooperative role. Women were surrounded by family, all working together to raise the children. The whole, "It takes a village" really meant something back then. Women helped each other out instead of putting each other down over things like babywearing, formula or breast milk, and co-sleeping.
But maybe the internet has a little something to do with the Mommy Wars, as well.
Now that my twins are three months old, I've had time to acclimate to my new life as a mom. I realize my situation is very different than most, but looking back over the past few months, I've caught myself asking, "What was all the negativity about?"
Sure, parenting is hard. But it's not torture.
It's actually pretty enjoyable.
So my advice to soon-to-be-moms is don't worry. And get off the mommy blogs. They will only bring you down. Your situation will be different than you sister's, your neighbor's, your mother's, your mother-in-law's, your co-worker's and that friend of a friend who had this terrible baby who cried 23 hours a day for 6 months.
Just enjoy those first few months as much as possible. It will only come around once.
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