Beautiful on the inside and out

There comes a time in every girl's life when she begins to doubt herself. Her skills. Her talents. Her accomplishments. Her beauty.

Sadly, I think that time has come for my 8 year old. And I feel like somewhere along the way I failed her. I never wanted her to experience the heartbreak of comparison. Not being as athletic as the girls on her soccer team. Not being as pretty or as smart as the girls in her class. Because to me, she is perfect. The perfect vision of beauty that God designed. She is an amazing artist. She is a wonderful big sister to the twins. She is a happy helper. She tells funny stories. She has beautiful, thick brown hair and big deep brown eyes. She has long eyelashes and the sweetest smile. She is sassy and creative. She is beautiful.

The other day, I was putting on my makeup in the bathroom and all the kids were in there with me. We have full length mirrors on the bathroom closet doors that the babies love to look at. My 8 year old was also in there with us, and she made the comment to her 9 month old sister, "Look at that pretty girl in the mirror." I said, "There are two pretty girls in that mirror," to which she responded, "Who is the second one?" It took me aback. I quickly and adamantly said, "You are." She hung her sweet little head and said the words I never thought I would hear. "I don't think I'm beautiful." As my heart broke in two, I turned to her and said. "Yes, you are! You are beautiful!" I told her all the things that make her beautiful and then made her say, "I am beautiful." Several times to the point of shouting it.

Because that's what we all should do. Shout to the world. "I AM BEAUTIFUL." But we don't. We let the world decide what's beautiful. And none of us make the cut. Even those supermodels and celebrities who are labeled "beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, perfect" have days where the tabloids, media and blogosphere tear them down for a bad outfit choice or a bad hair day.

A few days after our bathroom mirror incident, I was telling a friend of mine what happened. She has a 2 year old daughter and worries herself about this inevitable day when her little one may think she's not beautiful.

She told me she doesn't allow anyone, especially women, cut themselves down in front of her daughter. Working as a hair stylist, she hears it all. But she won't allow it around her kid. "If you're going to say something bad about yourself, take it outside. I don't want my little girl hearing that," she said. I applaud her for that. And I know it's something I need to work on as well. Ten months after having our twins, I'm certainly not happy with the way my body looks. I'm several pounds overweight. My boobs sag from breastfeeding. And my hair and makeup are never fixed. (Who has time for that with two little ones crawling around, a house to keep and a part-time job?!)

But, I'm one of the lucky ones. I have an incredible husband who values me, appreciates me, and still thinks I'm pretty darn sexy. And he tells me that I'm still the one for him -- body, mind and heart.

It's easy to blow him off. It's easier to say, "You're crazy," and then list everything I think is wrong with me. And I've been guilty of that far too many times.

I'm also pretty lucky that I have a God who thinks I'm beautiful.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we question our beauty? I had two children growing inside of me. I created two lives simultaneously in my middle section. So what if there are stretchmarks? So what if I don't look the way I did when my husband and I got married? I'm certainly not the same person I was back then. I guess I don't have to look the same, either.

The Bible tells us that beauty comes from within. Proverbs 31 describes a wife of noble character. The only time it mentions her looks is to say that the outside doesn't matter as much as the inside. "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

I want to be praised by my family. I want to be of great worth in God's sight. And I want to hear that more than I want to hear the world's perception of beauty. Because I know I'll never measure up. And that's OK.

I believe that God designed each of us in his perfect wisdom. Why didn't he make us all look exactly the same? Why are some people thin, fat, tall, short, dark, pale, blonde, brunette, big chested, small chested, athletic, or with frizzy hair, straight hair, straight teeth, birthmarks? I have to chalk it up to his incredible creativity, and I know that he thinks each person he created is beautiful.

I want both of my daughters to know that an Almighty God created them in just his perfect way. They will each have unique outward features and special skills and talents. And I need to remind myself of that, too. The world is always going to tell us that we're not enough. But God isn't of this world. And who better to decide the standards on perfection and beauty than our perfect and beautiful Creator? God doesn't make mistakes.

My friend told me a story about a friend of hers. One morning as she was getting dressed, her stepdaughter came into the room and told her stepmom she looked bad in what she was wearing. The stepmom put the little girl in the corner. When asked what she was being punished for, the stepmom replied, "For lying. Because I know I'm beautiful, and you can't tell me otherwise."

Maybe we all need to be put in the corner.

My beautiful daughters just 3 days after the twins were born.









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