Clueless
Some days are harder than others. Some days I want to pull out my hair --my frizzy, unwashed, messy hair. Some afternoons I just want to put them in their beds and run away to Timbuktu.
This has been that week.
Don't get me wrong. I love being a mom. And I love my kids more than I knew I could love anything. But this has just been one of those weeks.
E&I will be 10 months old on Monday. After several months of sleeping through the night, that all stopped last weekend. Not really sure why. And nothing I do seems to make them happy for more than 10 minutes at a time. My good-natured, happy-go-lucky children have turned into whiny, unhappy little beasts.
This week, my son decided his favorite sound is this little moaning whine. He repeats it over and over, followed by the most heart breaking cry. It's irritating at best. And I don't know what to do for him. Is he teething? Is he constipated? Or (like my husband thinks) is he just spoiled and wants to be held all the time? If he's playing sweetly in the floor and I happen to walk by, he whines. If I'm sitting on the floor and paying attention to his sister and not him, he whines. Heck, if I'm paying attention to him, he whines. He whines while he's eating. He whines while I change his diaper. He whines while I'm reading to him. He whines and then gives me the biggest smile and laugh.(OK, so maybe he is spoiled?)
My poor husband comes home after a long day of work -- one where he stands on his feet for 9 hours and deals with, at times, not so pleasant people -- and I know he gets frustrated, I know he does because I'm frustrated. I want him to come home to a clean house, one with happy children, and a slightly more sane wife.But lately, that hasn't happened.
As I friend perfectly put it the other day, "I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm making this up as I go." That's exactly how I feel. Some days I feel clueless as to what these two little people want. Sometimes I feel inadequate. Some days I don't even know where to start.
But that's motherhood, right? A bunch of women in their teens, 20s, 30s and even 40s who are completely clueless. At the end of the day, while sitting on the couch with my husband and trying to wind down from an exhausting day, I go through an endless list of what I could do better. Teach them more, talk to them more, use a sweeter disposition, laugh with them more, read more, challenge them more, be better about serving finger foods (have you seen how much mess 2 new eaters can make?!). And the guilt sets in.
It leaves me more exhausted by the end of the day. As if working part time and raising twins full time isn't exhausting enough.
But you know what? Tomorrow I'm going to wake up to those whining sounds, and I'm going to do it all over again. I'm going to put a smile on my face and try to figure out how to make the whining go away. I'm going to get over myself, my clueless-ness, and just try to be the best mom I can.
Because that's motherhood, right? A bunch of women who are completely clueless but who try every day to make life better for their little ones.
So to all you clueless moms out there, take a deep breath (and maybe eat a cookie) and keep going. You and your kids will be better for it.
This has been that week.
Don't get me wrong. I love being a mom. And I love my kids more than I knew I could love anything. But this has just been one of those weeks.
E&I will be 10 months old on Monday. After several months of sleeping through the night, that all stopped last weekend. Not really sure why. And nothing I do seems to make them happy for more than 10 minutes at a time. My good-natured, happy-go-lucky children have turned into whiny, unhappy little beasts.
This week, my son decided his favorite sound is this little moaning whine. He repeats it over and over, followed by the most heart breaking cry. It's irritating at best. And I don't know what to do for him. Is he teething? Is he constipated? Or (like my husband thinks) is he just spoiled and wants to be held all the time? If he's playing sweetly in the floor and I happen to walk by, he whines. If I'm sitting on the floor and paying attention to his sister and not him, he whines. Heck, if I'm paying attention to him, he whines. He whines while he's eating. He whines while I change his diaper. He whines while I'm reading to him. He whines and then gives me the biggest smile and laugh.(OK, so maybe he is spoiled?)
My poor husband comes home after a long day of work -- one where he stands on his feet for 9 hours and deals with, at times, not so pleasant people -- and I know he gets frustrated, I know he does because I'm frustrated. I want him to come home to a clean house, one with happy children, and a slightly more sane wife.But lately, that hasn't happened.
As I friend perfectly put it the other day, "I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm making this up as I go." That's exactly how I feel. Some days I feel clueless as to what these two little people want. Sometimes I feel inadequate. Some days I don't even know where to start.
But that's motherhood, right? A bunch of women in their teens, 20s, 30s and even 40s who are completely clueless. At the end of the day, while sitting on the couch with my husband and trying to wind down from an exhausting day, I go through an endless list of what I could do better. Teach them more, talk to them more, use a sweeter disposition, laugh with them more, read more, challenge them more, be better about serving finger foods (have you seen how much mess 2 new eaters can make?!). And the guilt sets in.
It leaves me more exhausted by the end of the day. As if working part time and raising twins full time isn't exhausting enough.
But you know what? Tomorrow I'm going to wake up to those whining sounds, and I'm going to do it all over again. I'm going to put a smile on my face and try to figure out how to make the whining go away. I'm going to get over myself, my clueless-ness, and just try to be the best mom I can.
Because that's motherhood, right? A bunch of women who are completely clueless but who try every day to make life better for their little ones.
So to all you clueless moms out there, take a deep breath (and maybe eat a cookie) and keep going. You and your kids will be better for it.
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